I wrote a few days ago about my accident where I broke 7 ribs. It’s been three weeks since the accident and I’m well on the road to recovery. However, convalescence has its downside and time is the main problem here, too much of it on my hands.

So much so I seem to have developed a weird talent for retrieving objects I can’t just pick up due the the pain in my side. Take for example picking up my mobile phone from a coffee table. Dead easy normally, but not when you can’t bend down. The only way I could do so was to stand up with legs wide apart, a small sneer on my lips that passed for a grimace and quickly snatch the phone with my other hand. More and more this action was turning into an Elvis impersonation.

Now I’ve upped the anti. My broken ribs are on my left side, so initially I couldn’t raise my left arm above my waist without a degree of pain. Now I’ve discovered if I need something from a top cupboard  I can raise my left arm quite high if I  lower my right side, leaving my right arm at my side. As I do this I need to lower my head slightly and then feel for the object I want in the cupboard… John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever springs to mind.

Meanwhile, in the ‘I’m bored and need to write something, but I can’t because it hurts too much’ I’m thinking of all sorts of ideas for stories. My favourite is a Victorian erotic comedy where the main character can only be aroused by use of medieval torture techniques like the rack.

Of course, this would involve no pain but instead lead to the poor main character’s screams for more. I even have a name for this clamp, Erogenous Clamp.

I’m seriously considering asking my doctor to induce a coma in me while I convalesce these injuries, otherwise I’m going to go stark staring bonkers.

Copyright © Tom Kane 2019

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